Scarier Than a Grizzly Bear

I would’ve never guessed that being alone is more dangerous than a grizzly bear, but sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

My roommates and I briefly went through a phase of binging the TV show Alone. 10 participants are dropped in the middle of nowhere and have to survive for as long as they can for a grand prize of $500,000. They hunt for food, chop trees to build shelter, and entertain themselves so they don’t go crazy. When watching the show, you’d be surprised at the number of people who leave because they’re lonely, rather than being medically evacuated. Loneliness is a weird phenomenon; on one hand, it’s completely natural to be alone sometimes, on the other, there’s a loneliness epidemic going on. Being alone is scary because it forces us to confront our worst nightmare, our thoughts. We’re wired to be social creatures but there’s an untapped skill in learning to be alone.

Who We Spend Our Time With

Time is one of the few things everyone has in common. How we spend our time makes up the entirety of our lives. According to the American Time Use Survey, the time we spend alone only increases throughout our lives. It’s a striking realization that you may spend over half of your waking hours by yourself. It’s an uncomfortable truth that tends to bother us because it deals with our fragility and mortality. At a certain point, we won’t see our family as much. We won’t spend time with our kids as they grow up and shape their own lives. Friends will move, and even though everyone is connected through their phones, it doesn’t replace the in-person interaction of grabbing a meal together. As relationships ebb and flow throughout our lives, the one person you spend the most time with never changes.

When I think of being alone, especially without any stimulants, I think of meditation. Meditation seems impossible in the modern era. Even with the abundance of meditation guides, apps, and retreats, the simple decision to sit down, close your eyes, and think for 10 minutes drives me crazy. TikToks, BeReals, and the ever-present YouTube algorithm are all fighting for our attention in this noisy world. For the first time in human history, we can drink out of a fire hose, human insatiability meeting the overwhelming abundance of endless stimulation. It’s possible and probable that we can go through 24 hours without being bored, jumping at the first chance to entertain ourselves. However, despite all the hedonistic pleasures, some things never change.

Shocking Results

Blaise Pascal lived in the 17th century, yet this quote seems more relevant than ever. Our society and our minds are so focused on getting to the next task or event that we never can sit in a room and just think. Whether we anxiously look to our to-do list to open up the next YouTube short, nothing seems so torturous as sitting quietly alone. It’s been scientifically proven. In a study by Timothy Wilson, et al., they found that

Even though in a prior questionnaire they had all stated they would pay money to not get shocked, being forced into a room by themselves with nothing to do was more unpleasant. Being alone forces us to confront ourselves, our thoughts, and our problems. Yet, in a world where we never have to be alone, we can live our lives without ever dealing with those underlying issues. As I’ve written about before, there are likely deep and difficult problems that we need to face. Whether it be complicated family relationships, past traumas, or even current relationships with a significant other (or lack thereof) most of our underlying issues are deeply rooted and aren’t going to be solved overnight. Those problems terrify us, especially since we aren’t able to solve these problems with money, time, or control.

So What Now?

Being alone is a rare commodity, ask any parent. But when we are alone, we have no idea what to do or how to best use that time. Being alone is healthy because it brings clarity. As a huge Cal Newport fan, he writes about the value of solitude in his book Digital Minimalism. Solitude is where deep and creative thoughts are allowed to flourish and also gives a great deal of gratitude to the interpersonal relationships in people’s lives. Bill Gates classically takes a ‘think week’ where he goes off into the woods twice a year without any external communication reads papers and books and comes up with ideas for the future. That’s a bit extreme, but we can all find small pockets of time for reflection with ourselves. The more we can flex the solitude and boredom muscle, facing our worst nightmares in the face, the better chance we can win $500,000.

-Derek

This is a longer post, but I think everyone should read it!